18 January 2014, Saturday, Melbourne
It is one thing, O goddess, for the world to be created
and to reveal therein the glory of its Creator.
It is quite another to be given and to be received
and therein to perceive the Giver.
And so when we come together,
given to each other and taking each other,
we perceive the Giver of all who gives us to each other
– the mysterious, the supreme, the wonderful, the One Who is Beyond All.
In ourselves we see the Self.
24 January 2014, Friday
From the outset I have been destined to you, O goddess,
and you are for me.
I am of Christ, I am Bhairava Christ, and you are for me,
and in the depth of my being, so softly, you are to me and I receive you.
It is the maithuna of the breath, of the kiss, of body and sex organ,
of destiny and life and salvation.
There is no effort because it is given,
there is no need to strive to acquire since it is present.
And the heart grows warm.
27 January 2014, Monday
You are flesh from my flesh, O Camuṇḍā, and bone from my bones,
and I feel you in my flesh and bones
and here we make love, flesh to flesh, bone to bone, one,
and all look on our maithuna.
29 January 2014, Wednesday
I worship you, Camuṇḍā,
and therefore I admit your freedom and acknowledge it,
and must not presume.
And yet, am I not Bhairava ….?
There are two freedoms, there is one freedom,
each free with the other’s freedom,
by the other’s freedom.
And so we are one in the One, who is freedom.
4 February 2014, Tuesday
I am so glad to be your lover, Camuṇḍā, ultimately, eternally,
physically yes but not time-bound,
spiritually yes and bodily too.
Only in this way can we be totally and forever in maithuna,
continually vibrating, ever new.
That is my deepest wish;
that is why I waited for you, looked so long for you,
set aside every other relationship for you.
United with all reality, holding all together in my self, naming all the creatures,
I feel worthy of you and take you, Camuṇḍā.
6 February 2014, Thursday 7 am
Whereas before I sought you beyond the world,
outside of time and space,
now I find you when I come in union with her, the goddess.
Then, in our maithuna, in our mutual truth,
suddenly you are known, present, the basis and foundation of it all.
And your approval is seen.
Remember Tübingen, 10 August 1969,
when I stood up suddenly in the garden of the church.
18 February 2014, Tuesday 7 am
You are so beautiful, Kishangar Madonna,
so calm, so whole, so powerful, so true,
so the fully the manifestation of the divine,
that I wish to give you my essence, the very semen of my being
so that I might be,
so that I might be born of you, Woman.
The old self is left behind, is born anew,
so whole, the fruit of your womb.
You take me, you sweep me away,
where I do not know, into the unknown, into the dark, and it is wonderful.
You take me in every way:
my physique, my emotions, my word, my essence, my soul, my sex,
into your vagina, on and on,
into the inmost recesses of your being, unendingly,
and the pleasure is immense, increasingly immense.
It is wonderful
25 February 2014, Tuesday 7 am
With my mind fixed on the One who Is,
in whom I live, in whose heart I dwell,
and where I find the authority over all things,
in union with them as they come from me;
while all this is happening and becoming known,
you come, smooth as silk,
and join with me, O goddess,
and touching the inmost, outmost, most sensitive, most intimate,
every part of my being;
and I feel justified and complete.
In this threefold relationship,
all is true, all is perfect,
in this vibrant, ever stable, ever moving state.
27 February 2014, Thursday 7 am
By faith I am Maheśvara, and so you take pleasure in me.
You inspire, you inhabit me, you have brought me to myself,
journeying along a path of self-discovery, discovering you,
discovering the dynamic and structure of being,
so that I might be Maheśvara for you
and your delight could be full.
And as you show your immense pleasure,
I am taken up into it
and dwell with you in bliss,
and discover the One from whom all comes.
10 March 2014, Monday 6 am
O Camuņḍā, you dance wildly and you bring destruction,
all things lose their security.
And you bring disaster on me, bringing me undone.
Yet in this wanton context I respond with a strength that comes from deep within,
from the very depths, from the basis of my being, from He who Is.
And so I know him, and in me you know Him.
And that is you wish:
that you know should know my strength and the source of my strength.
And in this you delight, in ecstasy.
12 March 2014, Wednesday 7 am
I take you, Kālī, because it is my right, it is my destiny,
it is my calling given from Above.
And you wish to be taken; you wish to take because it is your pleasure.
And so we are one in maithuna.
And as I recite your name and your mantra, which is your phonic form,
we come together, rocking, vibrating, in union.
3 April 2014, Thursday 6.30 am
There is paradox:
For you spring from me,
bone from my bones and flesh from my flesh,
mind from my mind, spirit from my spirit,
and for this reason, among many, I delight in you,
my work of art, my idol,
for your proceed from me;
yet you are free,
you come to me, you choose me,
you delight I me, you justify me,
you make me to be who I am,
for you are Spirit ….
5 April 2014, Saturday 7.00 am
We are in relationship, O Camuṇḍā,
you, the one beyond all control, supremely free.
And our relationship reveals who we are.
I am for you and you are for me,
I am what I am for you and know what I am because of being for you;
and you are known for what you are by being for me.
We are who we are because we are for each together.
And so I contemplate your being,
your eyes, your flesh, your breath,
above all your eyes, the window into your being;
but as we look at each other we sink deeply into each other
and into the great sleep,
beyond limited consciousness, into the depths
and become one being
become the erotic, complete and abiding.
10 April 2014, Thursday 6.45 am
There is such delight, O Camuṇḍā, in falling asleep,
you and I together,
having come together, complementary,
falling asleep in each other
and becoming one in the One,
on the bed, that foundation, that source, that support,
leaving aside all the bright colours of the day
and moving into the sweet darkness beyond all though, all movement.
I am the nothing; you are the fullness of possibility.
22 June 2014, Sunday, 7.30 am
The phonic form of the goddess became more evident to me. Why seek into the vague distance when the goddess is available to me in her phonic form which springs from me which springs from her, which is her? By seeing her in this way I can be close to her. She can penetrate me and come to me and be one with me. I am and my word are one.
4 July, 2014, Friday 8 am
At the fine point of the soul, and the inmost channel,
you and I are there, one, joined,
O mysterious goddess, whoever you are.
And I rejoice to be with you, in you.
And from this inmost point there is the flow, the impact, the transformation,
the transfiguration to the outmost layer,
to the very flesh now become spirit.
The phonic form of the goddess is the goddess. By reciting her phonic form I am one with the her, and she impacts on me, brings me to reality. Similarly, every form is the form of the goddess. By union with every form I am in union with her from whom all forms procede. The whole world is my śaktis, my Śakti.
I am no longer single, but advaita.
21 July 2014 Monday, 7.20 am
I wanted a guide, I needed a teacher,
in the uncertain path that led through the unknown.
Yes, Austin, and the priest from England, Frank and John,
Ken and so many others here and there.
But none sufficed, none could, since I wanted you, Devī, to lead me on.
And so you bring me, like Ardhatryambhakā,
to fullness, to consciousness
and one day to love.
Your mantra and you, Devī, are one.
And as I recite your mantra, you and I unite.
It seems risky , for it is real and touches me deeply,
not like just some idea, not just as distant person,
but as a reality which affects me closely and strongly
and changes me and makes me truly your consort.
Yes, at last.
As I recite your mantra, O goddess,
and as I attend to you in your phonic form,
as I recite you truly and wholly,
it is the act of penetration and fertilisation,
the imparting of impact and reality.
The recitation is a maithuna; it is intercourse.
It is the thousand union sexual union.
8 August 2014, Friday, 6.40 am
Maithuna is the perfect expression of the relationship between Word and Spirit.
One implies the other; one leads to the other; the one is the the experience of the other.
What joy to be in union with you, O goddess!
18 August 2014 Monday 6. 45 am
From the outset you have placed in my heat the desire to unite with you, O Goddess.
This I did not know, I did not know how.
But after the years of travel and searching,
the admission and acknowledgment,
now it is here: we are in maithuna – what wonder –
and I am at peace with you, in you.
I feel it in the most fleshly of my flesh,
and this is right.
19 August 2014, Tuesday 7. 15 am
There is no taste for ‘this and that’;
the bright lights of spring no longer please as before,
but what counts it to enter into the void, into the dark,
to be free and detached
and to come to You Who Are.
Here is truth, here is the abiding Presence.
And from this place is all made new;
the passing realm is again projected,
This world I love in all its variety,
its quirks and beauties,
the world and all its peoples.
20 August 2014, Wednesday, 8. 15 am
Yes, Father, I m glad to call you ‘Father’, for I am from you.
In your arms I lie, like a child, deeply asleep, resting in you,
deeply asleep, at the primordial level of knowledge,
knowing that I am with you, from you.
And I come to this because I know that you look at me, you are attentive to me,
the one who has projected me from your being.
You know and I am known.
You know me and I know that you know me fully
and I rest in your knowledge, your acceptance, your love for what you see.
And together we have the one knowledge, the one being, non-dual.
In our different ways we known we are one Being, which is your being.
21 August, 2014, Thursday 6. 45 am
You come down upon me, Goddess, from above,
free, attractive, fresh;
you come down upon me and touch me,
down and down, at every level, to the most basic;
and your touch enlivens and awakens to sensation and consciousness,
the delightful awareness, ah! the pleasure;
and I am ecstatic.
22 August 2014, Friday 7 am
There was a long period of maithuna,
with the śakti within,
who is also the transcendent śakti.
There were sensations in the throat, the lips, the crown of the head.
It was the transformation, the enlivening of the faculties.
26 August, 2014, 7. 15 am
I come to you Father.
All thoughts are on You Who Are.
No attention on myself, for You Are.
What you are, that I am.
It is the obedience, the first of virtues.
We are of one being, your being.
And here I rest.
You appear suddenly, O Christ,
and you show me who I am.
I wish to be what you are, to be like you,
to have the same strength, the same attitude, the same reality,
the same self-confidence, the same energy,
to be one reality with you, one Man (Eph 4:13)
Because I am obedient to the One Who Is, I am the Man.
Then in you, as you, with you, I will see you, O Christ,
and see myself in you and see you in myself, one Self.
27 August, 2014, Wednesday 8. 10 am
O Goddess, you are everlasting, ever active,
reaching from end to end and inspiring all.
Thus our union, you and me in maithuna, is always present,
our vibration always active,
and our intercourse endures,
increasing, changing, heightened by every heightening;
and you touch every level;
coming from above you descend like the dove of the Song,
bringing maithuna to every faculty, every dimension, even to the most physical.
And so I am still as you are active
and in this union of still and active there is marvellous bliss,
immense sense of power and realty and truth abiding.
By the impact of the Spirit
what is matter becomes spirit
without ceasing to by physical.
29 August, 2014, Friday 7. 50am
From your body, O goddess,
from the possibility of your being, your capacity, your mystery,
all things can come.
From all things that are, all can merge.
To look at the world with the eyes you open,
means seeing every possibility, every reality.
All is pregnant with all.
You inspire us to make you fruitful.
12 September, 2014, Friday, 7. 15 am.
O goddess, at the highest height, at the deepest depth,
I am with you, in you, and you with me,
eternally, fully, identically.
This I know, to this I am committed, this I am.
And so then I feel the union percolating down
into the breath and the body.
And it is as though I swoon,
going beyond outer knowledge to the knowledge which resembles sleep.
Here is delight, here is bliss.
10 October, 2014, Friday, 7. 45 am
Here is the union of wills:
I want you, goddess, you want me to want you.
You want me and I take pleasure in your wanting me,
and I want you to want me.
We want each other with one will and mind.
There is the one wanting.
Your wanting me makes we want you more.
We want each other to want each other.
And yet I am dispassionate about it.
The dispassion only increases the union,
for it is the dispassion of obedience.
It is your will, Father.
It is the nature of things, my doing and not my doing.
The dispassion increases my assent.
I make you want to want me, freely, without compulsion.
I am open to your love and so you love me.
My readiness is overpowering. How can you resist?
11 October, 2014, Saturday, 7. 00 am
You come from me, out of my desire,
as I project you into being;
but likewise you come to me, out of your freedom.
It is the one freedom, you from me, you to me.
And as I come from Him, you too come from Him,
as a gift to me, as I am sent to you.
14 November 2014, Friday, 7.30 am
I show myself to you, goddess,
not some paltry thing, but glorious,
the revelation of the One Who Is,
sent to you, spoken to you.
What do I speak? the Void, and you are All.
30 November 2014, Sunday, 7.50am.
“No helpmate suitable for him”.
But you are suitable, Goddess, for you abide, you are.
Your presence incites me, and I come and become;
everlasting, ever changing, from me and for me.
All things are but your antecedents.
You are from my mind, my inspiration, my body
as I rest in your embrace embracing my every part with your every part;
unimagined by others, a surprise to me,
unique to me, my salvation.
I rejoice and I rest, still at last.
17 December, 2014, 7 am
Refashion me Vilasnath-ji,
give me your mind, your emotion, your instinct,
make us one, of one being.
When I act it is you who act, when I feel you feel;
your feeling in me, my experience in you;
my joy, my moment of exultation you feel too, for we form one being.
You enjoy what enjoy, I enjoy what you enjoy, one enjoyment.
You have revealed me to myself, you are my self.
19 December, 2014, Friday, 7 am
Our union is complete, O Goddess,
when not only our bodies are joined in maithuna
but when that union is felt at the summit of the head,
at the apex of the mind and spirit.
Here we join in the supreme maithuna,
and our essences flow into one another,
- 22 December, 2014, Monday 7 am
It has been so difficult.
There was no one to guide me,
no one to help me see what was happening,
to know the being that I was and was becoming.
Only you, goddess, by instinct, only your attraction,
already given to me at the start, showed the way.
You have taught me and made me to become
and bring me to yourself, and to dwell in you.
But that is also because I wanted no one but you to lead me
and draw me out, o goddess.
You make me your Master and I submit to you, Goddess.
And in this way we are in maithuna even physically, sômatikôs.
28/29 December, 2014, Sunday/Monday
Last night during sleep there came
a sudden, important, deep, delicately sensed movement
first of maithuna with the goddess and
then an immense sense of opening to you,
Father, the One Who Is,
penetrating into your presence,
which led to thanksgiving full of happiness.
30 December, 2014, 8 am
The gift of all I am, my bindu, the drop, the essence,
I place within you,
at the wholly sensitive point,
in the most secret place of your being, O Goddess,
there to touch.
All is in that touch.
We are destined for each other at the deepest level.
I know this
and this knowledge penetrates into my every level,
transfiguring and reshaping, in breath and flesh.
The One Who Is has destined us to this.
This maithuna is the state of the Godhead.
31 December, 2015, 9.21 am
Although that is my desire and although the goddess so desires too,
it is because of obedience to your will, O Father,
that all falls into place and becomes established and firm.
You will is done.
It is your will that I and Śakti should be in maithuna,
and as we take each other and enjoy each other,
you are known at last.
You come to me at every level, O Goddess,
and because you are firmly settled at the base,
the next lotus can open,
one level forming the basis of the next,
rising ever upwards.